Alex and I are going to the library tomorrow (well, later today). This will be his first "social" outing and I'm nervous about how its going to go. He's been out in public, of course, but tomorrow is a trip to attend story time and lunch with a mom's group that I found in our area. I've never met any of these women and my anxiety is rearing it's ugly head.
Its very hard for me to be social and meet new people. I always worry that they won't like me (I know, how middle school could I get?) and that I'll do or say something stupid or offensive. Not that I'm naturally stupid or that I normally offend people, but to say that I have butterflies in my stomach at the thought of introducing myself to a bunch of strangers is an understatement. It feels more like a herd of elephants churning up everything.
My fears for my own social success are now compounded by worries over Alex. What if they don't like him? What if he steals some other kid's toy and won't give it back. What if he pitches and fit and all the other mothers give me "that look". You know the one... it says "Thank God that's not my kid." I know that Alex is sweet and smart and adorable. He makes me smile and laugh and everyday I am amazed at the things that he can do and how fast he's growing. But...
What if he cries in the library... I mean, seriously, in the library! That's the quiet place, right? At least that's what was drilled into me when I was a child. Will all the other patrons hate me? My overactive imagination is now picturing us being banned for life due to the fact that I made Alex wear socks (which he hates) and that he got angry and ruined the story for all the other happy, quiet children. Help! This is crazy talk!
Okay... deep breaths.
I'm gonna go have a glass of wine and get a grip. The trip will not be a disaster. Alex will not hate me for forcing him to wear socks and the other mothers will like us.